iT gEts WorSe and this post is fucking long

I did not know how to use the library - at age 41.  I wandered in, too embarrassed to ask for help and found myself in the World War 2 aisle.  I started with the Survivor memoirs.

I read them all.   Good Reads was just starting and I turned in a fake memoir.  I read 11 more for a few bucks and then I stood there looking at a book called Operation Barbarossa and Hitler's Fatal Mistake or some name of the sort.  It seemed a little beyond my ability so I went to a local college, enrolled in a  history class that was more about the Treaty of Versailles (and hey, it's possible many Jews would have survived if that thing wasn't so punishing) and I asked nonstop questions about Operation Barbarossa until the class just became about Hitler's greatest miscalculation:  the confidence of the Russians when they fought on their own soil.  They would not give in. 

And Hitler would not send COATS, new tanks, FOOD...nothing.  German "conscripts" deserted but died in the snow.  Hitler lost his war in Russia. 

Familiar, jah?  It gets worse.

The Russians liberated Auschwitz in 1944-1945 without really flinching about the terrible condition of these people.  The women were hugged and given chocolates by the Red Army then these weak broken women began walking through poor destroyed Poland in the day, sleeping in barns at night holding their collective breath yet again...it was a different kind of selection though:  rape by the Russian soldiers.  Sometimes murder. 

Now as the Russians approached Berlin, where their German enemies' daughters, wives,sisters lived...they went on a rampage that rivals Bucha and Mariupol...they raped and killed close to 200,000 women.   They were bored and no one was telling them what to do and the women were becoming less plentiful so they would gang rape 11 year old girls.  It is impossible to know how many lives of women the Russians took or at least gave them the need to do it themselves.

Think on that for a minute. 

Now it is May 9th:  Putin's big bullshit parade as liberators.  Wtf? 

But the parade of Putin's will spring from the filthy endless  ripple in the waters of Hitler's victory day.  There will be no one, nothing.  So w
hat will happen?

WHAT will happen?

Every night I pray for Navalny and courage for the people of Russia.  Every morning my heart races as I look to see if Zelensky is still alive. 

And every once in a while I talk about Operation Barbarossa but  I didn't even really do it this time because Ukraine is being terrorized and I am Ukrainian.  

(Timofey and Ksenia Fedorchuk, my great grandparents)

I am struck dumb as I type all of this because evil is on earth.  Again. And we pray to  the Warrior Angel St. Michael changing it up a  bit: 

"defend the Ukrainians in battle. And thrust Satan into hell so that he may not seek the ruin of souls"  Something like that. 

But I am a sinner because I also pray that Hitler's cyanide suicide visits itself upon Putin - for they are both dead, evil revenants in a rampage for reasons they do know understand.  Because they do not understand they are shadows and they are unforgiven.  For all time.